According to John Bowlby, British psychiatrist and founder of attachment theory, “attachment is a lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.” The first attachment relationship typically develops with one’s primary caregivers during infancy (first 18 months of life). Attachment theory describes how early caregiver relationships shape our patterns of relating across the lifespan and create a template for how we build and interpret relationships. Essentially, how primary caregivers act towards and meet a child’s needs form the foundation for how a child will perceive and act in close relationships (their attachment style).
Attachment theory research, which began in the 1950s and extends to this day, has identified four different attachment styles: secure, ambivalent/preoccupied, avoidant/dismissive, and fearful/disorganized.
Secure attachment represents the healthiest attachment style. Children are most likely to develop a secure attachment when their caregivers are attuned to their needs and provide a safe, consistent, and comforting environment. Children with secure attachment possess security in their caregivers’ reliable responsiveness to their needs. Secure children have confidence in the availability of their attachment figure as a “secure base” from which they can explore the world, as well as a “safe haven” from which they can seek support, protection, and comfort when distressed. As a result, adults with secure attachment generally have a positive model of self and others. They also exhibit resilience, adaptability, and emotional maturity. Individuals with secure attachment have developed a mental model of the self as competent and worthy of love, and a mental model of others as responsive and worthy of trust.
Individuals with the avoidant/dismissive attachment style have learned to deactivate their attachment needs, typically due to early social experiences which have discouraged emotional expression. These individuals tend to hide or minimize their emotional needs and develop a high level of self-sufficiency. They may avoid intimacy and fear dependency. During high-stress social situations such as conflict, they may withdraw and suppress their feelings.
Individuals with the ambivalent/preoccupied attachment style deeply fear abandonment, typically due to inconsistent responsiveness to their needs early in life. To ease this fear of abandonment or rejection, they tend to seek validation and reassurance in relationships. When they perceive an absence of support from loved ones, they may become hypervigilant, insecure, and anxious in these relationships.
The last attachment style, fearful/disorganized, is frequently associated with chaotic and/or traumatic experiences in attachment relationships. Individuals with the fearful/disorganized style frequently possess a conflicting desire for closeness and fear of rejection or harm in relationships. People with this attachment style may struggle to trust and depend on others due to an intense fear of getting hurt. This attachment style is strongly associated with attachment trauma. Attachment trauma refers to traumatic experiences that occur in attachment relationships (such as loss, abuse, or neglect) as well as the traumatic effects of such experiences. Therapy can be quite helpful in the healing process of those who have experienced attachment trauma.
It is important to note that attachment can change in adulthood, especially after major life events. Furthermore, attachment is not necessarily the same across all relationships; the quality of an attachment may vary between relationships. For example, an adult woman could have a secure attachment to her husband, a preoccupied attachment to her father, and a dismissive attachment to her mother. If you are interested in learning more about your own attachment style, you may consider taking this self-inventory through The Attachment Project: https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/. Additionally, therapy can be a helpful space to examine how your attachment style connects with your most important relationships.
Select References
Ainsworth, M.S., Blehar, M.C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. NY: Psychology Press; 1978.
Ainsworth, M. S. (1979). Infant–mother attachment. American Psychologist, 34(10), 932937. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.34.10.932
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. New York: Basic Books.
Cassidy, J., & Shaver, P.R. (Eds.). (2008). Handbook of Attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications, Second Edition. New York: Guilford Press.
Fonagy, P., & Target, M. (1997). Attachment and reflective function: Their role in self-organization. Development and Psychopathology, 9, 679-700.
Main, M., Solomon, J., Brazelton, T. B., & Yogman, M. W. (1986). Affective development in infancy. Norwood NJ: Ablex, 95-124.
Siegel, D.J. (1999). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. New York: Guilford Press.