“I just want the pain to stop.” This phrase has been said by those in not only physical pain, but mental and emotional pain as well. With physical pain, it can be easier to seek help from a medical professional, but what do people do when they are in mental and emotional pain? When those that are in this place feel hopeless and worthless, they may also feel another emotion such as numbness. When people get to this level of feelings, they may engage in self- harm or self-injurious behaviors. While engaging in these behaviors may relieve stress or anxiety for a moment, it is not a long- term solution and oftentimes these feelings come back the same or even stronger. These injuries can often be found in private places that are not easily visible such as arms, legs, ankles, or the torso. Self-harm can show up in a manner such as burns, cuts, bruises, self- hitting, or piercing the skin with sharp objects. Many times, self- harm behaviors are not to complete suicide, but to escape the pain that they are feeling (Radack, 2024). Even if suicide is not the intent, self- harm is still a serious issue and should not be ignored.
Self- harm behaviors can look like:
- Cuts or bruises on the skin often in patterns
- Wearing long sleeves, a lot of the time, even when it is warm outside
- Getting angry or moody quickly
- Reporting frequent accidental injuries
While self-harm might be suspected, many people may not know how to respond or where to reach out for help. Teens, in particular are in a time of self-discovery and are learning how to navigate emotions, relationships, and life’s challenges. All behavior is learned, and if people don’t know how to cope with overwhelming and difficult emotions, then they may turn to what is familiar. The patterns of coping skills may have been learned in their family system and passed down through generations.
Teenagers especially are under a great amount of strain. Trying to cope with difficult emotions, transitioning into high school or adulthood, navigating family and friend challenges, discovering their personality or identity and who they will become, and deciding on a future career are all some of the aspects that they may be carrying on their shoulders. Hearing anyone coming to you for help is an important first, and this is true also for teens.
If someone approaches and wants to share with you how they are feeling and shares their self- harm or their intent to self- harm, it is important to stay calm. This person has just shared something deeply personal and while it is upsetting, and the natural instinct is to panic, a better suggestion is to hear the person out, and be willing to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Many people who are hurting seek fulfilling relationships, and tools to help them fill the void they have in their lives. Instead of being another voice of uncertainty and panic, build a relationship on the vulnerability that a person reaching out for help is displaying.
It can be easy to dismiss self- harm because of fear of not knowing what to do or say, but oftentimes people may not need you to fix it in that moment, but to share that space, hear them, and show compassion and empathy. This does not mean to carry the load for another person or try to fix it if you feel unqualified, but to be available as a listening ear.
After hearing that someone disclose a sensitive issue like self- harm, it is ok to share with that person if you are concerned about them. Encourage them to seek help from their primary care physician or a licensed counselor. If you are a parent, be gentle with the response to your child, and validate their emotions, and let them know that they are not alone, and they have your support (Radack, 2024). Therapy may not be a one size fits all approach, but it can offer a healthy coping skill to use in the future, when emotions get overwhelming to deal with.
Building healthy relationships with trusted people and providing skills that people can use to cope can help not only lessen this issue but also build in safeguards for issues that may come up in the future.
Tools for Dealing with Self- Harm Behaviors:
- Therapy
- Speaking to Primary Care Physician
- Listening to music
- Prayer/ Meditation
- Spending time with a Faith Group/ Church
- Spending time with family friends
- Allowing yourself to cry
- Spending time outdoors
- Exercise
- Reading
- Journaling
For more information:
Fabian, R. (2023, November 5). 21 Things to Do Instead of Self- Harming. The Mighty. https://themighty.com/topic/self-harm/coping-skills-self-harm/
Radack, J. (2024, January 24). Understanding self- injury in teens. Mayo Clinic. https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/mental-health/understanding-self-injury-in-teens/