Self-Compassion for Stress Management

By | | Anxiety, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Stress, Women's Issues
Lady journaling

Amidst the holiday season, there can be a myriad of feelings–everything from joy and excitement to stress and anxiety. Self-compassion can be an effective stress management strategy, both during this holiday season and beyond.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is compassion directed towards oneself. According to researcher Kristin Neff, there are three key components to self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

Self-kindness is treating ourselves with kindness and considering our own needs. Self-kindness means being gentle and understanding towards ourselves rather than harshly critical and judgmental. With self-kindness, we are soothing ourselves as we would comfort a loved one who is in pain. Soothing ourselves taps into our mammalian caregiving system and triggers the release of oxytocin, which lowers stress and anxiety. A potential self-kindness phrase is “may I be kind to myself, and may I learn to accept myself as I am.”

Common humanity is recognizing our connection with others and that our experiences are part of being human, rather than isolating in our suffering. An example of a common humanity phrase is “I am not alone in my struggle.”

Mindfulness involves being aware of the physical, emotional, and/or mental experiences of the moment. When we are mindful, we hold our experience in the moment in balanced awareness: we neither want to suppress nor exaggerate our reactions. We cannot ignore our emotions and feel compassion at the same time. We also cannot so over-identify with our thoughts and feelings in each moment that we are swept away in them. Mindfulness is captured in the phrase, “this is a moment of suffering.”

Why is Self-Compassion Important?

Self-compassion is of neurobiological importance, as it activates the body’s “soothe system” (parasympathetic nervous system). Activation of the soothe system helps calm our body and mind so that we can act effectively. Additionally, research has found that self-compassion is associated with specific impacts in the brain, such as increased activity in the prefrontal cortex (related to improved cognitive function); increased activity in the ventral striatum (related to increased motivation); and increased activity in the anterior regions (related to increased ability to regulate emotions). Self-compassion has been demonstrated to increase self-improvement motivation (Breines & Chen, 2012); improve disordered eating, depression, anxiety, and rumination (Ferrari et al., 2019); and reduce shame and perfectionism (Brown, 2017).

Self-Compassion Starter Steps

Here are several ways that you can jump-start self-compassion this holiday season:

  1. Deep breathing can be an effective starting point.  Deep breathing helps the body slow down and can kick start the parasympathetic nervous system, putting us in the best position to then think and act in self-compassionate ways. In deep breathing, you breathe through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 2 counts, and release for 6 counts.
  2. Take routine self-compassion breaks. Self-compassion breaks are especially helpful when you notice self-criticism rearing its head (e.g., “what’s wrong with me?” or “why is this so hard for me?”). There are several key ingredients to a self-compassion break:
    1.  Accept the moment of suffering and that it hurts. Example: This is really hard.
    2. Acknowledge that others have felt this way. Example: What I am feeling is okay, and I am not alone.
    3. Offer yourself self-kindness. Example: May I give myself the compassion that I need.
    4. Put your hands over your heart as a gesture of comfort towards yourself.
    5. Ask yourself, “what do I need right now?” Examples could include validation (“my feelings matter”), rest, permission to set boundaries, space to grow, time, kind words, and forgiveness.
  3. Practice loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation is a mindfulness-based meditation that helps us cultivate compassion towards oneself and others. An example guided meditation can be found here: https://susancain.net/lovingkindness-meditation/. Other guided practices are available at https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/#guided-practices.
  4. Engage in self-care. Taking care of ourselves in soothing ways is also a form of self-compassion. Examples of self-care might be a social media break, a long bath, rest, fueling one’s body with healthy foods, cuddling a pet, or a walk outside.

With practice, self-compassion leads to enhanced wellbeing and can be a source of strength and resilience in challenging times. Additional resources are included below to support your journey to self-compassion.

Resources