“Death puts Life into perspective.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Loss and grief are close companions. The former is an event or occurrence in which one’s world is altered by the removal of and subsequent absence of something or someone, and the latter is our experience of or reaction to it. These words connect deeply with what it is to be human; to live, to be engaged, to be vulnerable, to connect meaningfully in life and to be open to life’s possibilities. Existence invites us to explore these avenues as we grow and progress throughout a lifetime. Opening of oneself to possibility and opportunity exposes us to the potential of the experience of loss; and subsequently, loss to grief.
The experience of loss and grief can be quite profound and these experiences impact humanity universally. Yet, the experience is unique to each individual and it is a deeply personal journey. The process of this journey often encompasses reactions that may affect every facet of one’s life. The impact may manifest in many forms: physical, emotional, psychological, social, cultural, and spiritual. It can challenge us to the core as loss proposes the task of reconciliation and finding a path forward. One must engage with life under new conditions, grieve the loss of what is missing, adapt to change, and contend with a new reality.
Loss can impact us in many areas of life. It may come in the form or death, divorce, separation, the loss of one’s freedom, health, occupation or career, pregnancy, identity, stability, one’s home or valued possessions. Indeed, loss can come in many forms and the timing for such an experience can add a whole new dimension to the encounter. Loss can be a public or private experience, and in some cases one’s loss may not be acknowledged by others. Fundamentally, loss strikes at the heart of the attachments we naturally develop in life. This is closely tied to one’s identity and sense of placement in the context of the larger framework in which we live. Loss can be unsettling, overwhelming, and destabilizing. It can inspire us to question many things about life as reality shifts into a different perspective. There can also be related secondary losses that can occur because of a primary loss. An example of a secondary loss is losing one’s identity as a wife or husband after the loss of a spouse. It is helpful to be aware of the numerous aspects of loss and grief, and the various ways in which grief can manifest in one’s life. The unfolding journey of life, along with the joys, excitement, and celebrations, brings along with it the challenges of loss and grief.
Coping with loss and grief is a highly individualized experience and there is no single cookie cutter approach to apply in getting through it or understanding it. Rather, it can be helpful to know the characteristics of what is commonly experienced with grief and to be open to the unique way in which the experience can unfold in your own life or the life of a loved one. Key factors in the realm of loss and grief are knowing that you are not alone, seeking support, giving yourself time to work through the loss, and in time processing the experience of the loss. Additionally, one’s reaction to loss can be immediate, delayed, or absent, and the process does not tend to occur in a specified or linear manner. Grief can initially emerge as denial as we struggle to comprehend what has happened. One may feel intense anger, engage in bargaining, and experience a sense of helplessness and depression in response to loss. Facing the reality of loss challenges us to explore and seek to understand our deep inner experiences as we work toward accepting what has happened. Adjustments are necessary as we strive to reorient ourselves and engage in actions that cultivate a vision for the future.
Among the tasks of healing from loss are:
- Acknowledging & accepting the loss
- Experiencing, accepting, identifying & processing your emotions
- Coping with emotions, engaging in self-care & making sense of your experience
- Adjusting and adapting to the changed and/or changing landscape of life
- Experiencing personal growth & development as you discover and forge a path forward
- Creating and/or discovering an enduring connection with what has been lost
Loss can be difficult to accept, and grief a challenge to traverse. In response to loss, there are options available to us that are open for consideration. Support can be instrumental and invaluable in the aftermath of loss. Such support can be tangible or intangible, and it can come from various sources. One may seek support from family or friends, organizations in the community or support groups, books, internet or self-help materials, one’s faith or spiritual beliefs, pastors or spiritual mentors, and professional counselors or mental health providers. It is advisable to seek support as this is likely to be beneficial and worthwhile. Engaging with supportive outlets and resources will likely serve to strengthen you in a time of need and help you make it through the journey that ensues in the aftermath of loss. Watershed Counseling is here to support you within the context of your journey in the aftermath of loss however it may be impacting you.