The essence of humanity is deeply intertwined with relationships, as they are a core aspect of humankind. Human existence and well-being are dependent on relationships, as we engage experientially both in relating to others and in seeking to understand ourselves. We grow, develop, evolve, and become who we are all within this context; as such, how one goes about doing so has a significant impact. The prospect of healthy relationships is a valuable point of exploration, consideration, reflection, and education. So, what makes relationships healthy, and how does one go about nurturing them? Let’s dive in and consider these two important ideas.
What are the mechanics of how we engage in relationships? Melanie Joy, PhD, asserts that “interactions are the building blocks of relationship” (2020). How we engage both within ourselves and with others is an important factor. Joy highlights the importance of emotional safety and security in relationships, which are essential to a sense of relational well-being (2020). This ties in closely with matters of trust—both holding and honoring the belief that the well-being of another is important and valuable. This carries with it a spirit of protection and establishes an atmosphere in which vulnerability is honored and wellness is held in high regard.
Another pertinent factor of relational well-being is connection. Joy describes connection as “the experience of feeling understood, valued, and nourished” (2020). Connection is about being open, received, seen, heard, appreciated, and valued by another. Needs are a core component of this equation. Joy cites the following needs as common for virtually all individuals: “we need to feel accepted, valued, appreciated, needed, respected, and of course secure” (2020).
Fostering a sense of connection is important in relationships, and finding ways to support the needs of those close to us while also grasping the importance of attending to one’s own needs is essential. It can be a bit of a balancing act in the ebb and flow of relationship experiences, where the power of observation and awareness can be instrumental. These orientations bring an opportunity to work toward understanding both our own well-being and the well-being of those who are valuable to us and with whom we desire a sense of connection. This is the art of tuning into our own experience while also being mindful of those around us. A willingness to reflect on our interactions, interpretations, and views is useful; alongside this, we may wish to share thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires to increase understanding within our relationships. Through this exchange, we are presented with an opportunity to close the gap between us, gain valuable insights, and grasp the world of another.
Feeling understood is key in healthy relationships. In fact, simply feeling that a loved one is making the effort to gain an understanding can be valuable in fostering a sense of connection and conveying to another that they are valued. Adequate space is needed to establish the capacity for differences to be observed and accepted. To do this successfully, we need to feel safe and valued. As such, it is important to make space for ourselves and seek an understanding of our own individuality, while simultaneously making space for others and seeking to understand them as well. It is often helpful to approach differences with curiosity and a healthy measure of flexibility. Simply being able to communicate with one another effectively can be significant in supporting a relationship because, in doing so, we demonstrate to another that they have been heard and thus understood.
Let us consider practical ways to interact, connect in healthy ways, promote a sense of security, and support needs in relationships. Will Meek, PhD, provides great direction and practical suggestions for fostering healthy relationships (2019), and suggests the following ideas:
- Engage & Take an Interest – Engage by taking an interest in others with whom you have and/or want to have a healthy relationship. This can be done in many ways: be curious, ask questions, be open to extending an invitation, and seek to learn about the other person on a deeper level.
- Practice Acceptance & Respect – Practice unconditional love and acceptance. Honor their preferences, needs, individuality, and the person they are. Allow room for imperfection and extend respect in your interactions. Seek to hold the other person in a positive light and allow them the room they need to grow.
- Basic Needs – Work to meet basic needs. Recognize and attend to others’ needs related to companionship, affection, and emotional support.
- Prioritize Positive Interactions – Positive interactions are paramount in a healthy relationship. Make it a goal to engage positively. Working to keep the number of positive interactions higher in proportion to negative interactions will likely increase relationship satisfaction and support relationship health.
- Attend to Relationship Rupture & Repair – Work to bring about repair when the relationship is damaged or injured. Recognize and attend to feelings on both sides. Be willing to apologize and seek to approach relationship difficulties, breakdowns, and injuries constructively.
In conclusion, relationships are affected by our interactions, behaviors, attitudes, needs, insights, sense of connection, and experiences. Awareness, observation, and engagement are instrumental in this context. Relationships can be maintained and improved simply by working to both understand and be understood, and by creating adequate space for differences. Unconditional love is a powerful force, and working to attend to the relationship in meaningful ways is likely to be impactful in relating to others with whom we desire a sense of connection.
References
Joy, M. (2020). Getting relationships right: How to build resilience and thrive in life, love, and work. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.
Meek, W. (2019). Healthy relationships. Will Meek PhD. https://willmeekphd.com/healthy-relationships/